Back at the VINE

I am sitting at my favorite spot in Irvine. It is so nice at the 4th floor. I can see the green meadows hiding away the paved roads and cars that zips through the plains. It is almost like returning to nature and civilization is integrated with the greens; instead of the greens integrated with civilization in uniformity anchored down on the sidewalk.

So SPRING BREAK was fun. I enjoy the freedom of being an OPEN BOOK. I really like what I do, what I say, without holding back and appease to someone's mentalities. I guess at first, I hold back in my opinionated ideas and keeping things in a FORMAL TONE. It worked for a little bit, but then that belief sunk like the Titanic because it did not make me feel good. That constraint is so painful, that you sometimes want to express your own opinion, but then you try to cage that ego in because you fear that it might offend or cause some type of conflict with someone's ideology. It is a LESSON to learn that you must NOT ONLY feel comfortable with yourself, BUT ALSO you must be GENUINE and allow people to read you as who you are.

That insecurity of uncertainties of "what if that person doesn't like me because of (fill in the blank)," needs to be SHATTERED like how a fragile glass would! First of all, you must be CONFIDENT, be the WORLD, be EVERYTHING that NO ONE CAN BE or WISH THEY COULD BE! If you are not able to express your true passion and thinking, then you would always remain as this REGULAR guy. To be politically successful, one must establish IDEOLOGY because it leads to a DIRECTION so others can be taken to. You cannot be in the middle, and be like a wooshy washy person and hold back in your true ideas! That would only led you with NO DIRECTION, and people do not like that uncertainty.

However, I am not trying to advocate for being the JERK OF THE WORLD or some COCKY person in the world. I really mean, try and be an OPEN BOOK. If the people want to read in you, let them and show them what you are. Do not try to hide it and give some mystical signal that does not have an answer. If they DO NOT want to read you, then do not try and IMPOSE your ideologies on them, and remain that book to be closed until they decide to open you up and read.
-------------------------------------------------------


Anyway, I want to put down the ideas into this blog for my own thinking purposes... The HIATUS between US is what makes EVERYTHING SO HEALTHY. I LIKE IT! It is so carefree and I have my own life to run. There is so much more than just hanging out and do random things. It is the BEST thing EVER to do these things every 3 weeks or so, but I would definitely get SICK of it if it is too often. Even if Boston and LA is so far away, it is so surprising that nowadays, the WORLD IS FLAT seem TRUE. I guess there is this drive for me to continue on with life the way it should be: obsession with ACADEMIA. I do not want to leave this world. I think I want to become a professor or a high school teacher or work at some THINK TANK. I do not want to do the everyday work in life, but just PONDER PONDER and PONDER!

Man... I don't know how to explain it... I know it is finals week and all, but I really miss my friend by A LOT. It is ALMOST UNHEALTHY... The mafia needs to be kidnapped by me... I'll show the mafia who's boss!!! Man, I can't stop thinking of all the fun times we had... I want to fly to Boston now!

re·lin·quish!!! USH!!

I do not normally do this... but I guess I can start out a tradition of leaving a trail behind-- from a blog that I have moved on from.

After all... the past was what shaped the present... and the present is for you to plan for the future.

http://eddytoearth.blogspot.com/

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before I enter into FINALS MODE... I want to take a moment to type out whatever I want typed out... mainly the main points I want to talk about before I forget.

- The hiatus between him and I.
- The dreadful status of "potential," but not qualified.
- The thankful friend. Graduate students are so informative sometimes hhaha.
- My ultimate hate for inconsiderate people. THOSE PPL THAT CROSS THE ROAD AT THE SOCIAL SCIENCE PARKING STRUCTURE! YES THEM!!! CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT FOR ONE CAR TO PASS BY AFTER SEEING THAT THE POOR CAR IS WAITING THERE FOR MORE THAN 5 MIN. WAITING FOR THE ROAD TO BE CLEARED!

Change

One of my high school /college friend again placed me on the spotlight again, saying how “gay” I look, act, or dress. He said it in public. Normally I would feel like a defensive asshole and lose confidence in what I have to say and do, and I would feel down. But that didn’t happen to me that time. I was very complimented by his comment, because the truly manly people are those that are so called “gay,” because they are happy in what they do and are not afraid of society’s criticism and is willing to fight the crusade of civil rights. I am also pretty flattered in which my sense of fashion is heavily tasty hahha!

Dogs stand for honesty, whistling stands for its casualness, new stands for renewal, and tune stands for the melody of life.

San Diego was quite fun. Although it was a boring Friday night; we did go and hanged out at downtown, at Pinkberry’s, and then the next day we went to the city of Convoy. It is so weird in which I have not met him for many years, and all of a sudden you see this person again. It almost makes you feel as though life is so surreal.

I love him when he says, “Eddy!!! Why aren’t you the clubber anymore!” Boy, 1 year did changed his image of me; he told me that I have changed into a more a sober person. Amidst the past when I was one of the people at the dance floor and being fully liberated, I am no longer that. Do not get me wrong, I am not condemning that. Because when I do feel like going on the dance floor, I can put on some moves and rack up a lot of people willing to let me grind them like they are on a very bumpy rollercoaster. The thing is, he thinks I am more aware of my surroundings and very decisive in things. Like… I have fun, and fool around and people might think I am drunk, but my mind is clearer than them. I know what to do when someone is being pushed out of the way, who is stepping the line and trying to enclose in, and how to do it deal with it in a clear cut way. I guess that is what I’ve absorbed from my lessons. The one thing that surprised him was the way I engage in colloquial conversation, and the topic revolves around the topic I learn from my con law courses and how civil rights work.

In the sea of people who you meet and hang out with, they mold you out. And that is change. Change is unstoppable to the max. The change can destroy you, and it can make you handsome again. Another thing I learned from a friend in nor-cal is to be you. Being too concern about how society will think is too overly consuming. It consumes your soul, in not allowing yourself to express yourself; consequently you would never get to refine happiness in this world.


Anyway, it was an amazing hang out with an old friend. The location was complete opposite in which the neon colors and the bustling streets of Shanghai where I met him and got to know him--, yet we ended up at a mellow environment of the beach in La Jolla, San Diego. 37, 77. HAHAHA! WRAP.

Young and Restless. hahaha i think this title fits my current situation and journey.