Back at the VINE

I am sitting at my favorite spot in Irvine. It is so nice at the 4th floor. I can see the green meadows hiding away the paved roads and cars that zips through the plains. It is almost like returning to nature and civilization is integrated with the greens; instead of the greens integrated with civilization in uniformity anchored down on the sidewalk.

So SPRING BREAK was fun. I enjoy the freedom of being an OPEN BOOK. I really like what I do, what I say, without holding back and appease to someone's mentalities. I guess at first, I hold back in my opinionated ideas and keeping things in a FORMAL TONE. It worked for a little bit, but then that belief sunk like the Titanic because it did not make me feel good. That constraint is so painful, that you sometimes want to express your own opinion, but then you try to cage that ego in because you fear that it might offend or cause some type of conflict with someone's ideology. It is a LESSON to learn that you must NOT ONLY feel comfortable with yourself, BUT ALSO you must be GENUINE and allow people to read you as who you are.

That insecurity of uncertainties of "what if that person doesn't like me because of (fill in the blank)," needs to be SHATTERED like how a fragile glass would! First of all, you must be CONFIDENT, be the WORLD, be EVERYTHING that NO ONE CAN BE or WISH THEY COULD BE! If you are not able to express your true passion and thinking, then you would always remain as this REGULAR guy. To be politically successful, one must establish IDEOLOGY because it leads to a DIRECTION so others can be taken to. You cannot be in the middle, and be like a wooshy washy person and hold back in your true ideas! That would only led you with NO DIRECTION, and people do not like that uncertainty.

However, I am not trying to advocate for being the JERK OF THE WORLD or some COCKY person in the world. I really mean, try and be an OPEN BOOK. If the people want to read in you, let them and show them what you are. Do not try to hide it and give some mystical signal that does not have an answer. If they DO NOT want to read you, then do not try and IMPOSE your ideologies on them, and remain that book to be closed until they decide to open you up and read.
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Anyway, I want to put down the ideas into this blog for my own thinking purposes... The HIATUS between US is what makes EVERYTHING SO HEALTHY. I LIKE IT! It is so carefree and I have my own life to run. There is so much more than just hanging out and do random things. It is the BEST thing EVER to do these things every 3 weeks or so, but I would definitely get SICK of it if it is too often. Even if Boston and LA is so far away, it is so surprising that nowadays, the WORLD IS FLAT seem TRUE. I guess there is this drive for me to continue on with life the way it should be: obsession with ACADEMIA. I do not want to leave this world. I think I want to become a professor or a high school teacher or work at some THINK TANK. I do not want to do the everyday work in life, but just PONDER PONDER and PONDER!