This is bad. I know that I am supposed to study, however, what can I accomplish in less than 50 minute time interval? Might as well write a blog entry right! Yes, been busy lately, I have more night classes than last quarter to keep me occupied. Instead of focusing on where to go, and the whole, “I do not feel like studying,” at night or “I am bored so I am going to go out with roommies/friends to eat;” this is a very self-assuring that I have class to go at night! HAHAHAH, I am spending less money this way! But I am not that frugal, it is just the fact that I am trying to save money so I can spend it in a more worthy way once summer hits.
I just noticed that my downer friend from up north is so apathetic about everything nowadays. It seems like he is getting sadder and sadder as the day goes by. He is one hella’ emo guy. He believes that his dream is shattered, and that he cannot compete or have a hard time competing at such a great school. He then goes forth in drowning down that everything is sad, he mentions that other people’s dreams are also being shattered. However, he is wrong, because he is stirring himself onto that brush and paint to create a picture of everyone else. I think competition is hard; however, everyone is not dying in their time of their lives. People are continuing on with their PCAT, GMAT, GRE, and other tests. The person preparing for the GMAT is actually going to New York for a financial internship.
There is a mentioning of the quality students in that pool of competition, such as those who are waitlisted on Harvard or something like that. However, that is everywhere! In my school, it is so envious yet also uplifting to always hear that people got into UVA, Columbia, Cambridge, Stanford, and ect. for graduate school. However, I never consider myself inferior to them, because I truly believe that I am as smart as or even smarter than them! They might be good at one thing; however, I am better than them in so many other things that it is unbelievable. Believe me, I worked with a Berkeley Golden Bear before, and he is one of the too straight forward person and without any tools under his sleeves when working!
And then, there is also a thing where YOU ARE A LOSER if you do not get into the first choice school. That is not right. The whole “loser talk,” is BASED on the assumption that you are a loser because you lost, you are not good enough to get into the school, you are not going to be successful because you did not get into that school, and you are unworthy. My BEST FRIEND in HIGH SCHOOL said that I am stupid and naive. However, that is not the right assumption! The reason the school rejected you is based on the fact that you are not compatible with the school’s ideologies, environment, and routine. It is like dating, for you to have a good relationship, both sides must be compatible; otherwise, you would just suffer into this BAD RELATIONSHIP and be unhappy. If you got admitted into a school that has a very DIFFERENT view with you, then it would be harder for you. You would have to do deal with so many things, and find yourself being segregated with your peers. Next thing you know, you’ll graduate from the top university without classmate friends to open up a firm with you! It is like my emo friend who got into a top university; he just feels so much better if he is somewhere else down south. In my interpretation, he is not compatible with that university’s environment; so hypothetically, if that school that he goes to rejected him, he IS NOT A LOSER because he would have excelled elsewhere and have closer ties with other classmate friends to keep a better mental health with, and intimate professors to get recommendation letters from to continue on with your life. Once the first choice school rejected you, you should be glad, because they are letting you know that you are not compatible with them. It is good to let them tell you they reject you than to let you into their school and have you SUFFER with your incompatibles.
Life is not a MOVIE where there is an ENDING. People still LIVE. If you think about it, even if you graduate at a Tier 2 law school, you can still survive by being a public defender, and you still live a comfortable life. Also, the BEST lawyers are actually public defenders because THEY prepare COURT CASES EVERY DAY and go before the judge EVERY DAY! They have EXCEPTIONAL PRACTICE that they THINK FASTER than even those IVY LEAGUES graduates at the court room who probably DO NOT GO TO COURT EVERYDAY. Also PUBLIC DEFENDERS know the Judges VERY WELL since they WORK AT THE COURT. So they know the personalities of the judges, and KNOWS what type of PROOF would the Judge BUY and what WOULD NOT SELL.
As long as both of you and the school is compatible, you would excel! And if you have PASSION for something, you would excel. After all, PASSION is what DRIVES the survival of Catholicism and Christianity right! Without ANY SCIENTIFIC evidences that believing in god would SAVE you, they believe it would save them because those pastors and priest have SUCH PASSION for god, and that PASSION is what drives people to believe! AMEN!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Addiction
There is this thing about me that I am highly addicted to good up beat music. I really cannot help it, I mean, I just have to sing along with the song in order to feel right. I like moving with the beat. It makes you want to sway with the beat... I like swaaaaaying my body with the music and be suave with it! It makes it ever so good!
Friday, April 24, 2009
All I Need
I am wondering if I am the only one that feels this way. I went to the Seal Beach yesterday night after my LSAT class. I felt that I needed to get out of the way for a minute from all the work and exhaustion that eats up my brain. I have been having a lot of headaches lately, and that must be partly due to the fact that I am constantly not eating healthily.
So I went to Seal Beach, and there it was, one of the spots that marks a transition of my life. I remember that last year, right around this time, I've did my first Grunion Run with a friend. Memories just came, where I folded up my jeans up to my knees and there I was-- stepping on the seashore and trying to catch something slimmy and gooey. I remember that I was very scared at the same time psyched up about it. I was scared because it was dark with the water being so BLACK and so BROAD, and it scared me that there might be jellyfishes and I would die from getting stung. The comment by my friend was, "hahaha quit being such a pussy! I'm grabbing more than you."
There I was, a very city sheltered boy, who knew nothing about anything besides knowing how to survive at a concrete jungle and through all navigation of the subway system, where to go malling, where is the ghetto at downtown to go bootlegging, and where to go to eat at 2AM in the morning.
I think I started to go on and appreciate other activities that involves things that are more of a So-Cal style. The surfing (which I still did not have the MONETARY incentive to go buy a board), the beach, the run, the more outdoor activities if you will... And that is how I am beginning to grow and foster so many other activities that makes life ever so contempt.
As I am standing near the dock at that night, all these self-reflections came out and then I am wondering what I would grow into 2 years later from now. I always have this feeling, though, that I would be living in Hong Kong for at least a year, once in my life time...just because I have so many ties there... I am also waiting to see if my dream of being able to travel the world would awake to be true. All I need is that moment of time that can all be mine.
So I went to Seal Beach, and there it was, one of the spots that marks a transition of my life. I remember that last year, right around this time, I've did my first Grunion Run with a friend. Memories just came, where I folded up my jeans up to my knees and there I was-- stepping on the seashore and trying to catch something slimmy and gooey. I remember that I was very scared at the same time psyched up about it. I was scared because it was dark with the water being so BLACK and so BROAD, and it scared me that there might be jellyfishes and I would die from getting stung. The comment by my friend was, "hahaha quit being such a pussy! I'm grabbing more than you."
There I was, a very city sheltered boy, who knew nothing about anything besides knowing how to survive at a concrete jungle and through all navigation of the subway system, where to go malling, where is the ghetto at downtown to go bootlegging, and where to go to eat at 2AM in the morning.
I think I started to go on and appreciate other activities that involves things that are more of a So-Cal style. The surfing (which I still did not have the MONETARY incentive to go buy a board), the beach, the run, the more outdoor activities if you will... And that is how I am beginning to grow and foster so many other activities that makes life ever so contempt.
As I am standing near the dock at that night, all these self-reflections came out and then I am wondering what I would grow into 2 years later from now. I always have this feeling, though, that I would be living in Hong Kong for at least a year, once in my life time...just because I have so many ties there... I am also waiting to see if my dream of being able to travel the world would awake to be true. All I need is that moment of time that can all be mine.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
"GAB is no longer my school, and you just have to know where the boundaries are."
Today, as I stayed over a night at Altadena to get my work done and to have someone to accompany me to go to a night class/seminar at Pasadena, the next following morning, I went back to Gabrielino to get my transcript.
So why did I went back to GAB? Transcript! It is weird, when I was filling out my common apps for law schools, they asked about my HS GPA, and I was like-- wow... that is such a long time ago that I have completely forgotten what my GPA was and who were my teachers and class schedule during freshman-senior. I am shocked that they would even care about my HS GPA. I felt very funny, yet glad at the same time because I can do all these things at once while I am in the San Gabriel Valley Area.
This morning, I arrived on campus, in front of the beige brick tiles that landscapes with the burgundy red walls draping down. The clock tower rises handsomely as usual. I had a FUNNY FEELING. Slowly, memories came back, yet I have this very foreign feeling of the school. It feels like you just met this old friend that you have not seen for a long time, and then suddenly you encounter her or something. That feeling makes you feel so close with each other; yet, you do not know each other. There is definitely a GAP between us.
I walked into the Student Center, turned right into the counselor's hallway, and made a left. And I knocked on Ms. Bustamante's door. She immediately knew who I was, and I was VERY SURPRISE that she remembered MY NAME! She remembered my rants and rambles, and the time when I joked with her. I was greeted with warmth. There I was, thinking, oh god! Did I really have THAT MUCH FUN in high school?!!? Hell Yes! To me, I feel that I have a legacy that is hidden under the rug, but it would be there if I were to make a scene. Sometimes I wonder if this is a good thing. I feel as if I do not SHINE at all, yet, I shine in a more subtle and personal way with individuals more than with a well known fame attached to the sparkles. I find it very interesting to have this way of life. I would never be President, but I would be one of the most important contributors in helping society to gather up momentum.
I really wanted to go visit Mr. Lynch and Mr. Peters. They were the most important teachers that I have encountered in Gabrielino. Without them, I do not think I would be able to get a sense of what I like to study, and what I like to do in my college career. However, I was taken away by the security guards because I am not allowed to stay on campus. It was weird, a year ago, I was able to walk into Mr. Lynch's room and Peter's and I greeted them BOTH. Again... this is the gap between us.
GAB is no longer my school, and you just have to know where the boundaries are. I am no longer close with it, and no longer can be there. It is life. Things change, and you have to change with it. Understanding and tolerating things like that gives you a taste in what you would feel in the future. Sooner or later, my friends would get married. They would have wives, husbands, and children. No longer can they hang out with each other until 2 AM in the morning. So there is a preparation of me, of having to accept this fact that when things change, you have to change with it, and recognize that the boundaries are different.
However, I know one thing that wont change is me. I have this feeling that I would continue my college career for an extra mile, because I want to avoid that change in me of not having the boundaries of hanging out with people like a college freshman. The fact that I can still act as a College Freshman, hanging out with friends until 2AM in the morning--, makes me view life as SUPRA FUN!
Again, I think I have more of a direction now. I know where to go, where to abide, where to step up, step back, and dodge at the most appropriate times. Maybe that is the change in me, in a good way.
So why did I went back to GAB? Transcript! It is weird, when I was filling out my common apps for law schools, they asked about my HS GPA, and I was like-- wow... that is such a long time ago that I have completely forgotten what my GPA was and who were my teachers and class schedule during freshman-senior. I am shocked that they would even care about my HS GPA. I felt very funny, yet glad at the same time because I can do all these things at once while I am in the San Gabriel Valley Area.
This morning, I arrived on campus, in front of the beige brick tiles that landscapes with the burgundy red walls draping down. The clock tower rises handsomely as usual. I had a FUNNY FEELING. Slowly, memories came back, yet I have this very foreign feeling of the school. It feels like you just met this old friend that you have not seen for a long time, and then suddenly you encounter her or something. That feeling makes you feel so close with each other; yet, you do not know each other. There is definitely a GAP between us.
I walked into the Student Center, turned right into the counselor's hallway, and made a left. And I knocked on Ms. Bustamante's door. She immediately knew who I was, and I was VERY SURPRISE that she remembered MY NAME! She remembered my rants and rambles, and the time when I joked with her. I was greeted with warmth. There I was, thinking, oh god! Did I really have THAT MUCH FUN in high school?!!? Hell Yes! To me, I feel that I have a legacy that is hidden under the rug, but it would be there if I were to make a scene. Sometimes I wonder if this is a good thing. I feel as if I do not SHINE at all, yet, I shine in a more subtle and personal way with individuals more than with a well known fame attached to the sparkles. I find it very interesting to have this way of life. I would never be President, but I would be one of the most important contributors in helping society to gather up momentum.
I really wanted to go visit Mr. Lynch and Mr. Peters. They were the most important teachers that I have encountered in Gabrielino. Without them, I do not think I would be able to get a sense of what I like to study, and what I like to do in my college career. However, I was taken away by the security guards because I am not allowed to stay on campus. It was weird, a year ago, I was able to walk into Mr. Lynch's room and Peter's and I greeted them BOTH. Again... this is the gap between us.
GAB is no longer my school, and you just have to know where the boundaries are. I am no longer close with it, and no longer can be there. It is life. Things change, and you have to change with it. Understanding and tolerating things like that gives you a taste in what you would feel in the future. Sooner or later, my friends would get married. They would have wives, husbands, and children. No longer can they hang out with each other until 2 AM in the morning. So there is a preparation of me, of having to accept this fact that when things change, you have to change with it, and recognize that the boundaries are different.
However, I know one thing that wont change is me. I have this feeling that I would continue my college career for an extra mile, because I want to avoid that change in me of not having the boundaries of hanging out with people like a college freshman. The fact that I can still act as a College Freshman, hanging out with friends until 2AM in the morning--, makes me view life as SUPRA FUN!
Again, I think I have more of a direction now. I know where to go, where to abide, where to step up, step back, and dodge at the most appropriate times. Maybe that is the change in me, in a good way.
Garden
It is so weird. Every time when I get a little upset or depress or about to loose grip, this person would come at the most appropriate times. It is very nice to just take a step back and let someone be the circus monkey and entertain you for a while. I did not mean it in a bad connotation, but this person would admit that its been a goof.
I read an article by the NY Times about surrounding yourself with loving friends is the most important thing to one's health. I agree with the research based on the fact that I get depress, and sometimes things just do not go my way-- I just find it comforting to leave the scenery by rambling random thoughts.
sigh... When such inevitable unfortunate event that undergoes with surreptitious actions would kill everything so fast....it is just not worth it to go through the situation longer.
Anyway, I am so tired. Sleep!
**************************
"Hey... Hey... Hey... Learn how to take a compliment." --> I think I know where you got that line from.
I read an article by the NY Times about surrounding yourself with loving friends is the most important thing to one's health. I agree with the research based on the fact that I get depress, and sometimes things just do not go my way-- I just find it comforting to leave the scenery by rambling random thoughts.
sigh... When such inevitable unfortunate event that undergoes with surreptitious actions would kill everything so fast....it is just not worth it to go through the situation longer.
Anyway, I am so tired. Sleep!
**************************
"Hey... Hey... Hey... Learn how to take a compliment." --> I think I know where you got that line from.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
So happy!!! o(n.n)o
Alright! So this is the time where I am trying to WRAP my journey!
I love Professor Garb, she told me something that was so enlightening. I feel as if she had very a BRIGHT and approachable way of dealing with students. No wonder she is the Co-Director of the Center for Citizen Peacebuilding.
I want to write this event down while it is fresh in my head.
As I entered Social Science Tower (SST), I felt the coldness of the building. To be honest, ever since I am a student at UCI, I was never fond of the SST building in which it looks so cold and harsh. My experiences of going into the building makes me feel extremely uncomfortable because the Professors that are housed in the building are so intimidating. They are all from TOP NOTCH schools across the country, are researchers for each of the "Centers" that UCI Social Science created, and are very smart people that makes it seem like they would make fun of you if you say something stupid. And for HEAVEN'S SAKE, the SST building is filmed as the CELL JAIL in the movie The Planet of the Ape. The building is THAT intimidating. EWWW.
So I was on the second floor of the SST, and waited for the elevator along with another guy next to me. I pressed the up button, and the elevator came. I was so intimidated to go up and ask her about my recommendation letter. In my mind, all I thought about was, "this is going to be SO awkward... I do not think I am ready to speak to her." I DID NOT take the elevator.. The guy looked at me weirdly because I was waiting for an elevator that have already came. He went inside the elevator and gave me this look in questioning the fact that I have not got on the elevator with him. I QUICKLY FAKED PRESSED the DOWN button in the elevator because the guy looked at me weird and was waiting for me to get in with him. But after I pressed the down button, the guy raised his eyebrow in a manner of the realization that I am not actually going up, but going down. HOWEVER I WAS REALLY REALLY GOING UP... NOT DOWN! I was yelling "OH MY GODDD" in my mind. GAHH
So after my FAKED PRESSED DOWN BUTTON, I then pressed my UP Button again! This time, while waiting for the next elevator to come, I was telling myself, "okay... I have this 2 minute interval to wait for the elevator to come and to QUICKLY think of a topic that I can talk about with Professor Garb!" The elevator finally came, and this time, I was waiting alone. I really REALLY have nothing to talk about! I went into the elevator, with complete BLANK memory.
As the elevator reached to the 5th floor, and the elevators opened, I started to think, "Okay... I do not need to think of something to talk to her about! I have been dealing with people in my mediation intern, and the fact that I IM RANDOM strangers on the internet before... WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Just be yourself, because I am the guy with the charm when I am the TRUTH and GENUINE!" I came across her office, and she did not turn on any lights, her room was grey and dark, with shades of blue lights glowing from the computer monitor.
I knocked on her already opened door, and greeted and sat down. It was then when I came into her office that everything CAME IN SO CALM. I talked to her for a bit. About getting letters of recommendations from Professors 2 years ago, and asked about my own recommendation letter from her.
But what REALLY enlightened me was the way she gave a comment to one of my rambles. I said clearly, "When I was doing dispute resolution on the phone, I called the respondents and to my surprise they would actually respond to me. I thought that most of them wouldn't even want to talk to me, because, it is totally voluntary, and WHO AM I to talk to them and about their business!"
She responded with somewhere along with the tangents of: Well, there are things you have to do, like when you are a lawyer, you have to step out of the zone and do things you do not want to do. You focus in what you are TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, NOT in terms of how things would LOOK. You call your respondents, and that is your job. You focus in that job, and as how things would turn out TO LOOK LIKE, is NOT UNDER YOUR CONTROL and it is NOT a part of your accomplishment!
As for my recommendation letter, she commented, that I HAVE to go get it. And that is MY ASSIGNED JOB. I should not have to think about how things are awkward, or be afraid of asking for one because of what things would TURN OUT TO LOOK LIKE. I have to go get it, and just try to re-establish my connections; and as a mediator, such profession requires a lot of this type of level of communication to fix the gap between the parties.
It felt so GENUINE. I think in this point of my life, I AM VERY GENUINE. I am never so happier and I cannot wait to be the GO-GETTER!
I love Professor Garb, she told me something that was so enlightening. I feel as if she had very a BRIGHT and approachable way of dealing with students. No wonder she is the Co-Director of the Center for Citizen Peacebuilding.
I want to write this event down while it is fresh in my head.
As I entered Social Science Tower (SST), I felt the coldness of the building. To be honest, ever since I am a student at UCI, I was never fond of the SST building in which it looks so cold and harsh. My experiences of going into the building makes me feel extremely uncomfortable because the Professors that are housed in the building are so intimidating. They are all from TOP NOTCH schools across the country, are researchers for each of the "Centers" that UCI Social Science created, and are very smart people that makes it seem like they would make fun of you if you say something stupid. And for HEAVEN'S SAKE, the SST building is filmed as the CELL JAIL in the movie The Planet of the Ape. The building is THAT intimidating. EWWW.
So I was on the second floor of the SST, and waited for the elevator along with another guy next to me. I pressed the up button, and the elevator came. I was so intimidated to go up and ask her about my recommendation letter. In my mind, all I thought about was, "this is going to be SO awkward... I do not think I am ready to speak to her." I DID NOT take the elevator.. The guy looked at me weirdly because I was waiting for an elevator that have already came. He went inside the elevator and gave me this look in questioning the fact that I have not got on the elevator with him. I QUICKLY FAKED PRESSED the DOWN button in the elevator because the guy looked at me weird and was waiting for me to get in with him. But after I pressed the down button, the guy raised his eyebrow in a manner of the realization that I am not actually going up, but going down. HOWEVER I WAS REALLY REALLY GOING UP... NOT DOWN! I was yelling "OH MY GODDD" in my mind. GAHH
So after my FAKED PRESSED DOWN BUTTON, I then pressed my UP Button again! This time, while waiting for the next elevator to come, I was telling myself, "okay... I have this 2 minute interval to wait for the elevator to come and to QUICKLY think of a topic that I can talk about with Professor Garb!" The elevator finally came, and this time, I was waiting alone. I really REALLY have nothing to talk about! I went into the elevator, with complete BLANK memory.
As the elevator reached to the 5th floor, and the elevators opened, I started to think, "Okay... I do not need to think of something to talk to her about! I have been dealing with people in my mediation intern, and the fact that I IM RANDOM strangers on the internet before... WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL! Just be yourself, because I am the guy with the charm when I am the TRUTH and GENUINE!" I came across her office, and she did not turn on any lights, her room was grey and dark, with shades of blue lights glowing from the computer monitor.
I knocked on her already opened door, and greeted and sat down. It was then when I came into her office that everything CAME IN SO CALM. I talked to her for a bit. About getting letters of recommendations from Professors 2 years ago, and asked about my own recommendation letter from her.
But what REALLY enlightened me was the way she gave a comment to one of my rambles. I said clearly, "When I was doing dispute resolution on the phone, I called the respondents and to my surprise they would actually respond to me. I thought that most of them wouldn't even want to talk to me, because, it is totally voluntary, and WHO AM I to talk to them and about their business!"
She responded with somewhere along with the tangents of: Well, there are things you have to do, like when you are a lawyer, you have to step out of the zone and do things you do not want to do. You focus in what you are TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, NOT in terms of how things would LOOK. You call your respondents, and that is your job. You focus in that job, and as how things would turn out TO LOOK LIKE, is NOT UNDER YOUR CONTROL and it is NOT a part of your accomplishment!
As for my recommendation letter, she commented, that I HAVE to go get it. And that is MY ASSIGNED JOB. I should not have to think about how things are awkward, or be afraid of asking for one because of what things would TURN OUT TO LOOK LIKE. I have to go get it, and just try to re-establish my connections; and as a mediator, such profession requires a lot of this type of level of communication to fix the gap between the parties.
It felt so GENUINE. I think in this point of my life, I AM VERY GENUINE. I am never so happier and I cannot wait to be the GO-GETTER!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
You Whuh!?!
SIGH... I have been so freaken busy... it is not even kidding... Sometimes... i wonder how in the world i am going to survive this quarter with dean's list again. It is so weird... the LSAT thing is TOO time consuming. I am always not able to get with the program because of quizzes that i have to study for my REAL CLASSES. However, I am getting down all the logistics in how to tackle the LSAT as I already got the KAPLAN methods down in solving those logic games and stuff.... I feel that all I need is practice. I have confidence that with this summer's devotion, i would be able to get an LSAT score that reflects me... I've been devoted to it for too long to give up... I SACRIFICED last year's summer, time, devotion, and several intern offers for the LSAT. it is RIDICULOUS how important it is. I WHUH!?!? I am going to rape the LSAT and ASSERT MY ALPHA MALE DOMINANCE ON THAT PIECE OF HOLE.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I have been writing more often
I think writing an entry is becoming a habit now. I am writing one every day on average. Sometimes, I tell myself, MAYBE... just MAYBE I should stop writing and focus on studying. HAHAHHA. But I cannot just help it, I am sitting at my favorite spot in Irvine, and the mood to self reflect became a mechanism for me to GO FOR IT!
I was talking with another person that night, and that person seem to like-- categorizing people in different places... To give an example, are you a TYPE A or B personality. The happy ending type of movie favorite. The CONSERVATIVE, the LIBERAL, the MODERATE, the ANARCHIST. The dominant, the passive, the both.
It seems that human beings have this frantic need to put things in order; rank things from high to low, organizing the Animal Kingdom and its species, genus, order, class, phylum and so on...
Sometimes, I feel that categorizing things is what we need because it gives us a distinct personality. Like you categorize yourself with being a person who is a PERSON who HATES HAPPY ENDING MOVIES. Then that person DOES WHATEVER he can to LIVE UP TO THAT. While he may give himself PERSONALITY, he greatly hinders his tolerance and misses out. You have to be ACCEPTING. TRY DIFFERENT THINGS. There is MORE THAN ONE WAY OF DOING THINGS. Why not learn them all?!?
However, there is also a problem when you ACCEPT SUCH BIG VARIETY, you also HINDER your PERSONALITY. People want to see the true you! What is your personality?!? Take it for example, you are overly accepting, you try different things, and people would be weird out because they wouldn't know WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE... OH MY GOSSSSHHHH This is getting too complicated... Like you do not really like to eat FISH, but your friends told you to TRY IT. And you try it, and you do not like it, but you say you like it anyway, and MAKE A BIG EFFORT IN LIKING IT that you MAKE YOURSELF to ACQUIRE THAT TASTE... BAD. BAD. BAD.
So, there must be some type of balance in between of having personality, doing whatever you like, yet trying or at least be aware of other ways of means in getting that way.
*********************************************
I want to write a book, the title would be The Dark Lessons of Craig's. But how would I write it with such beautiful colors?!?
I was talking with another person that night, and that person seem to like-- categorizing people in different places... To give an example, are you a TYPE A or B personality. The happy ending type of movie favorite. The CONSERVATIVE, the LIBERAL, the MODERATE, the ANARCHIST. The dominant, the passive, the both.
It seems that human beings have this frantic need to put things in order; rank things from high to low, organizing the Animal Kingdom and its species, genus, order, class, phylum and so on...
Sometimes, I feel that categorizing things is what we need because it gives us a distinct personality. Like you categorize yourself with being a person who is a PERSON who HATES HAPPY ENDING MOVIES. Then that person DOES WHATEVER he can to LIVE UP TO THAT. While he may give himself PERSONALITY, he greatly hinders his tolerance and misses out. You have to be ACCEPTING. TRY DIFFERENT THINGS. There is MORE THAN ONE WAY OF DOING THINGS. Why not learn them all?!?
However, there is also a problem when you ACCEPT SUCH BIG VARIETY, you also HINDER your PERSONALITY. People want to see the true you! What is your personality?!? Take it for example, you are overly accepting, you try different things, and people would be weird out because they wouldn't know WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE... OH MY GOSSSSHHHH This is getting too complicated... Like you do not really like to eat FISH, but your friends told you to TRY IT. And you try it, and you do not like it, but you say you like it anyway, and MAKE A BIG EFFORT IN LIKING IT that you MAKE YOURSELF to ACQUIRE THAT TASTE... BAD. BAD. BAD.
So, there must be some type of balance in between of having personality, doing whatever you like, yet trying or at least be aware of other ways of means in getting that way.
*********************************************
I want to write a book, the title would be The Dark Lessons of Craig's. But how would I write it with such beautiful colors?!?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Take A Bow! APPLAUD!
So my ROOMMATE asked me this question last night, and I answered, “I guess… I think it is okay. It happened a long time ago. No…I’m living a very regular and a joyful life.” The way I answered the question really truly came from my heart. There were not any expectations, emotions, or lingerers. It is one of those moments where that particular topic is not in your mind anymore, and it has been replaced by one of the most magical moments that happen in my life; and there is this thing where I am lingering ALL OVER sometimes…
I assume everyone has seen the movie. It was very true. It first started that the other person checking the voice mail, text messages, instant messages, ect. And all these portals of communication where this person would be waiting to see if I CALLED for a SHOT. I guess at that time, I didn’t care much about this person. The person would ask me to go for SUSHI, TOFU, BBQ, ect., and I would be late all the time simply because I was occupied with myself, my life, my high school friends. However, as time develops, I guess I turned into the person obsessing over MY PORTALS of communications. I remembered exactly like the movie that I even asked myself before, “WHO THE HELL INVENTED CALLER I.D.” Because, I was SO AFRAID of calling again and again because… I WOULD SEEM LIKE A OBSESSIVE FREAK when I made 30x calls!!! I turned into the GIGI. However, it was too late, because I missed the moment that things could have had happened. By the time I was the GIGI, it is miles away too late.
Do not get me wrong here; my phase of the GIGI is not a lesson… I do not think that it is A LESSON. It is NOT A LESSON. It is simply one of those melancholic satisfactions in life that just happen naturally. You look back not seeking any answers, but you look back to enjoy the experience.
I assume everyone has seen the movie. It was very true. It first started that the other person checking the voice mail, text messages, instant messages, ect. And all these portals of communication where this person would be waiting to see if I CALLED for a SHOT. I guess at that time, I didn’t care much about this person. The person would ask me to go for SUSHI, TOFU, BBQ, ect., and I would be late all the time simply because I was occupied with myself, my life, my high school friends. However, as time develops, I guess I turned into the person obsessing over MY PORTALS of communications. I remembered exactly like the movie that I even asked myself before, “WHO THE HELL INVENTED CALLER I.D.” Because, I was SO AFRAID of calling again and again because… I WOULD SEEM LIKE A OBSESSIVE FREAK when I made 30x calls!!! I turned into the GIGI. However, it was too late, because I missed the moment that things could have had happened. By the time I was the GIGI, it is miles away too late.
Do not get me wrong here; my phase of the GIGI is not a lesson… I do not think that it is A LESSON. It is NOT A LESSON. It is simply one of those melancholic satisfactions in life that just happen naturally. You look back not seeking any answers, but you look back to enjoy the experience.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
MY INTERVIEW WITH... THOU SHALL NOT BE NAMED
-_-" The following is my notes.
_______________________________________
The problem for me was the idea of living the rest of my life with no love, no dating, no every getting married..... there was no real physical manifestation.. it was all in my head... not that there weren't tons of cute ppl around I wanted... but what was so distressful was the idea of never getting to share my life with someone.
Also part of why it was so hard... I was doing this all alone and told no one about it.
that's a hard one to describe... the Christians in my life like to say that I had a moment where I was touched by the spirit.... for me... i just suddenly had a revelation that if I believed in a God... that God would want me to be happy... and happiness was not going to be found in being single the rest of my life and miserable....
And I had no real close friends left at that time... I'd lost touch after the whole depression thing.
That's where life really changed for me... I kinda found who i was and who I wanted to be.
I found friends...
_______________________________________
The problem for me was the idea of living the rest of my life with no love, no dating, no every getting married..... there was no real physical manifestation.. it was all in my head... not that there weren't tons of cute ppl around I wanted... but what was so distressful was the idea of never getting to share my life with someone.
Also part of why it was so hard... I was doing this all alone and told no one about it.
that's a hard one to describe... the Christians in my life like to say that I had a moment where I was touched by the spirit.... for me... i just suddenly had a revelation that if I believed in a God... that God would want me to be happy... and happiness was not going to be found in being single the rest of my life and miserable....
And I had no real close friends left at that time... I'd lost touch after the whole depression thing.
That's where life really changed for me... I kinda found who i was and who I wanted to be.
I found friends...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I am under the white linen sheets, relaxing and at the back of me is a window draping down at the scenery of the beach; in these dawn sheets. It makes me feel so soft, so clean, and the laundry scent of it makes me feel energized. There is something so comfortable tucked under these big fluffy sheets. It has been such a peaceful year, and I totally enjoy what promise is in life. I feel so guilty right now… the feeling that I am completely enjoying myself and having everything tailored to its appeasement!
Wow. You would tell me to learn how to take a compliment in life.
Thanks…?
So I this is another promise in exchange of working harder in my LSAT.
It is so strange... why do you care so much...?
Wow. You would tell me to learn how to take a compliment in life.
Thanks…?
So I this is another promise in exchange of working harder in my LSAT.
It is so strange... why do you care so much...?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Reply to the Abstract:
Sometimes, when your family member no longer lives in this world, of course you would feel you have lost everything in this world.
I guess, what you can really learn from that experience, is that... you feel this way because you really love this person. Because of that love, you feel you have lost everything due to mortality of human beings. But, what if we think about it in another way? From the beginning in which why you feel this way... and that is that you care and love the person. From this experience, you can say that when you love this person, you should also learn how to still love the person while this person is gone???
I hope this helps my fellow friend...
Sometimes, when your family member no longer lives in this world, of course you would feel you have lost everything in this world.
I guess, what you can really learn from that experience, is that... you feel this way because you really love this person. Because of that love, you feel you have lost everything due to mortality of human beings. But, what if we think about it in another way? From the beginning in which why you feel this way... and that is that you care and love the person. From this experience, you can say that when you love this person, you should also learn how to still love the person while this person is gone???
I hope this helps my fellow friend...
Monday, April 6, 2009
The mess.
There is something that has been bothering me. That uncomfortableness wearies my soul and consumes my flesh as I start to develop insomnia. I fear that this would again eat up every flesh of me, and leave me into this pale ivory white skeleton (as it once had). I am glad that I am able to release it into a blog, where I can rant and self tell myself so things can be cleared up. I must go through the remission process and grow back those flesh that have been lost and re-armor up the bare bones of me. I think there is so much stress in preparation of my departure to the next chapter of life. It almost seems like it is impossible to juggle through all these things at once; with priorities stacked upon priorities.
People's feelings must not be hurt, I hate hurting people's feelings. I think I could have handled the situation in a more comforting way; but the paradigm collapse of his reasoning had made it into an oil spill in the middle of the ocean. Slowly tainting the ocean and causing many casualties. The clean up seem time consuming. The situation must be acted upon in the right time, right place, and the right way. The preservation of MY OWN integrity must also be anchored down before approaching the mess. Otherwise, the waves stirred by rage would sway your conscience.
The dilemma is how to calculate the cool down period; after all, a cool down period cannot be too long or too short. If it is too long, then the problem would be something unworthy of mentioning since it is in the past. However, if it is too short, the person would still not accept any reasoning.
When approaching the mess, allow room to understand, and allow room to make ends meet. Accept your own faults in the situation, allow him to point out the mess. Make sure you understand and think in his shoes. Thereafter, throw out your own situation, and where you are coming from. Make sure he understands.
***********COLLAPSE*************
The collapse happen when mutual agreement in accepting the fault and the mess did not happen. Perhaps the anchored ship was too sturdy on both sides that the ship was not able to sail to encompass the perimeter of the oil spillage and shrink it down.
What is the next step??? Still pondering...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ABSTRACT:
Once upon a time, there was a man who had a best friend. His best friend and him lived a happy life in San Francisco. They were both very lucky to find each other and he married his best friend. Both of the came a long way, in which during those SINGLE days of his life, there has been a lot of demolition and construction. Jealousy, cheating, refurbishing, and finally it came to wrapping everything together in a burrito wrap. He exchanged voes, and both of them strive to open up an small accounting firm in Market Street (northwest of San Francisco). Life could not have been better. The chances they took was thought to last forever; however, life just happen to walk away at the most fragile moments in life... A simple car accident, had taken everything away. That pain and that sorrow...
People's feelings must not be hurt, I hate hurting people's feelings. I think I could have handled the situation in a more comforting way; but the paradigm collapse of his reasoning had made it into an oil spill in the middle of the ocean. Slowly tainting the ocean and causing many casualties. The clean up seem time consuming. The situation must be acted upon in the right time, right place, and the right way. The preservation of MY OWN integrity must also be anchored down before approaching the mess. Otherwise, the waves stirred by rage would sway your conscience.
The dilemma is how to calculate the cool down period; after all, a cool down period cannot be too long or too short. If it is too long, then the problem would be something unworthy of mentioning since it is in the past. However, if it is too short, the person would still not accept any reasoning.
When approaching the mess, allow room to understand, and allow room to make ends meet. Accept your own faults in the situation, allow him to point out the mess. Make sure you understand and think in his shoes. Thereafter, throw out your own situation, and where you are coming from. Make sure he understands.
***********COLLAPSE*************
The collapse happen when mutual agreement in accepting the fault and the mess did not happen. Perhaps the anchored ship was too sturdy on both sides that the ship was not able to sail to encompass the perimeter of the oil spillage and shrink it down.
What is the next step??? Still pondering...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ABSTRACT:
Once upon a time, there was a man who had a best friend. His best friend and him lived a happy life in San Francisco. They were both very lucky to find each other and he married his best friend. Both of the came a long way, in which during those SINGLE days of his life, there has been a lot of demolition and construction. Jealousy, cheating, refurbishing, and finally it came to wrapping everything together in a burrito wrap. He exchanged voes, and both of them strive to open up an small accounting firm in Market Street (northwest of San Francisco). Life could not have been better. The chances they took was thought to last forever; however, life just happen to walk away at the most fragile moments in life... A simple car accident, had taken everything away. That pain and that sorrow...
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